Top tips for sharing children at Christmas. The festive season can be a magical time for kids, but the festive season can be tough if you are a separated parent. There can be a lot to do. You may need to manage work, make holiday plans, sort out childcare around school holidays and handle parenting with your ex. At times, these things feel hard to juggle.
Separated parents should also keep in mind any legal considerations when making Christmas child arrangements for example if there is an existing court order around child arrangements. Make sure you put together written agreement from both parties to talk about any changes, and focus on clear communication to avoid misunderstandings that could have legal consequences in the long run.
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How Do I Make Plans Around The Children At Christmas? Top Tips for Sharing Children at Christmas
Christmas can be a tough time for you and your family. It is a time of year when emotions can run high. Having clear child arrangements matters during this time. If there is no good plan, disagreements can start. This may lead to unnecessary stress for you and your children. Parenting works best when you and your ex can work together.
When you set a plan for the holidays early, it helps your children feel ready for what will come and take away their worries or concerns. Call MIAMS Mediation on 03300 101 354
Why Christmas Can Be Challenging for Separated Parents?
For a separated parent, Christmas is often a challenging time with many feelings. If this is your first Christmas apart, you might feel sad or upset. It’s normal to feel resentment at times like this. These feelings can make talks more tense and difficult.
Disagreements about who gets the children and when may come up, especially on important days over Christmas. One of the most common issues is when people wait too long to make plans. This puts pressure on everyone and can cause problems. Sometimes, parents turn the talk into a contest. They each try to get more time with the child.
To prevent any problems, be sure not to drag your children into fights or ask them to pick between you and the other parent. When you put them in the middle. Try to work together and talk things out, so you can make the holiday calmer for everyone involved
The Emotional Needs of Children During the Festive Season
During the festive season, a child needs to feel stable, safe, and loved by both parents. Going between two homes may make them feel unsure. The way you both act can make a huge difference. Try to make this a magical time for them.
Let them know the plans in a simple and clear way. Tell them where they will be and when. Let them know that even though things are a bit different, they will have a great Christmas with both sides of their family.
Focus on making happy new memories. You don’t have to do this on Christmas Day alone. You can start new traditions on a different day. This lets them see that Christmas is about being together. The date is not the only thing that matters.
Setting Expectations with Your Co-Parent
Clear communication with your ex is key to good parenting during the holidays. Stay focused on what is best for your kids. Do not talk about old problems, pain resentment or use unhelpful words or anger.
Go into talks with an open mind. Be ready to give a little if needed. Think ahead about the details of handovers, time for travel, and buying gifts. This can help stop problems before they start. Both parents should talk and agree on a plan first. After that you can share the plans with your kids about these plans
Step-by-Step Guide to Creating a Fair Christmas Schedule
You can make fair Christmas arrangements by following some simple steps. A fair schedule helps your children enjoy Christmas morning and spend time with the whole family. The main goal is to have a plan that works for everyone. By paying attention to how you talk with each other, looking at ideas, and thinking about your whole family, you can make a holiday plan that feels fair.
Step 1: Start Talking Early
Don’t wait until December to bring up Christmas plans. The earlier you start the conversation, the easier it is to find common ground.
Talking in October or November gives both parents time to think about what works best — for the children and for the wider family. Starting early also avoids last-minute tension and gives time to arrange mediation if you can’t agree on your own.
Step 2: Keep The Children’s Needs At The Centre
It’s natural for both parents to want to spend Christmas morning with the kids. But the focus should always be:
“What will make Christmas happiest and least stressful for the children?”
Children care less about the exact schedule and more about feeling loved and secure. When parents cooperate, children pick up on that sense of calm.
You might decide to:
- Alternate who has the children each Christmas
- Split the day (one parent for the morning, the other for the afternoon)
- Celebrate Christmas on another day with the children.
- Divide the school holidays fairly
Whatever you decide, aim for fairness, stability, and fun.
Step 3: Make a Clear Plan
Christmas can get complicated with family visits, school holidays, and travel. Once you’ve agreed on who’s having the children and when, make sure it is write down so everyone knows and understands what is agreed.
Even a simple written plan helps avoid confusion and prevents either parent from changing arrangements at the last minute.
If you reach an agreement through mediation, your mediator can help put your plan into a Parenting Agreement. You can make it legally binding through the court if you feel you need to.
Step 4: Use Calm Communication
It’s easy for messages to get lost in translation, especially if emotions are running high. Try to keep communication short, polite, and clear.
Avoid using the children to pass messages, and if possible, stick to email or messaging apps where you both have a written record. If you find it hard to communicate calmly, mediation can help you rebuild that dialogue in a neutral, safe setting.
Step 5: Organise The Children’s Gifts
Christmas isn’t a competition but sometimes, it can start to feel like one. To avoid confusion or overspending, talk about gifts in advance:
- Will you both contribute to one main present?
- Are there any “no-go” gifts?
- How will gifts be split between homes?
Agreeing on a simple plan helps avoid hurt feelings and keeps the focus on the children, not the presents.
Step 6: Be Flexible and Fair
Plans can change, families grow, people move, travel becomes tricky, or children get older and want more say. What worked last year might not fit this year. Try to stay flexible and open-minded. If one parent needs to adjust plans, look for a fair swap rather than digging in because a plan was agreed previously. Compromise keeps things peaceful. Remember: the goal isn’t perfection, it’s balance.
Step 7: Consider Mediation If You Don’t Agree
If you’re finding it impossible to agree, you don’t have to face it alone. Family mediation gives you a neutral space to talk things through with a trained mediator. They won’t take side, their job is to help you both reach a fair plan that focuses on your children’s best interests.
Mediation is often faster, cheaper, and far less stressful than going to court. And it helps you both communicate better for the future, not just Christmas.
Step 8: Create New Traditions
It’s normal to feel sad or awkward when old family traditions change. But this can also be a chance to start new ones.
If you don’t have your children on Christmas Day, celebrate your “Christmas” a day early or later. Bake something special, have a festive movie night, or do something unique that becomes your new tradition.
Children will remember the warmth and laughter, not the date on the calendar.
Step 9: Focus On The Future
When you look back years from now, you’ll remember the smiles, not the schedule. Christmas is about love, not logistics. By keeping things calm and child-focused, you show your children that even though life has changed, they’re still surrounded by love, security, and support from both parents.
Speak to MIAMS Mediation 03300 101 354 to find out more about how mediation can help you arrange plans for children around Christmas.