Child arrangements
My ex will not let me see my child. What should I do?
If you are being stopped from seeing your child, it can feel overwhelming. You may feel angry, panicked and as though you are losing precious time.
Many parents in this position begin searching for answers late at night, trying to understand what is happening and what they can realistically do next.
If that is where you are, you are not overreacting. Loss of contact is serious. But how you respond now can make a significant difference.
When contact breaks down, early and constructive action usually protects your position better than reacting in anger. A calm, child-focused response can make it easier to address concerns, explore mediation and, where necessary, show that you approached the situation reasonably.
Understanding the situation
Why has contact stopped?
When one parent prevents the other from seeing a child, it rarely happens in isolation. Sometimes it follows:
- A heated disagreement.
- Ongoing conflict.
- Concerns about safety or behaviour.
- A breakdown in communication.
- A child expressing reluctance.
Some parents describe these situations using terms such as alienating behaviour, particularly where a child appears to be rejecting one parent while being influenced, directly or indirectly, by the other parent’s attitudes or messaging.
But situations like this are complex. Not every refusal of contact is alienation. What matters most is addressing the problem early, carefully and constructively.
Child resistance and conflict
When a child starts refusing to see you
If your child has suddenly become resistant or hostile, it may feel deeply personal. But children navigating separation can be influenced by conflict, loyalty pressures, emotional overwhelm, wanting to reduce tension, or repeating what they hear around them.
If disrupted contact continues, positions can harden. The longer normal contact is interrupted, the harder it can become to restore it. That is why calm, structured action is often more effective than reactive escalation.
Legal context
Does your ex have the right to stop you seeing your child?
The legal position depends on the circumstances. Parental responsibility is important, but it depends on the child’s legal and family situation. If there is no court order in place, informal arrangements can break down quickly even where both parents expected contact to continue.
If there is already a Child Arrangements Order, the position is different. If an order is not being followed, that may need to be addressed carefully. In every case, the central question for the family court is what arrangement is in the child’s best interests.
Before matters reach court, there are often opportunities to resolve things more constructively. In many cases, the first formal step is to consider mediation through a MIAM, unless a recognised exemption applies.
Protecting your position
The risk of reacting in anger
It is completely natural to feel anger and injustice. However, threatening court action immediately, sending emotional messages, or escalating conflict can sometimes make the situation harder to resolve.
That does not mean you should accept the situation. It means your response should be measured, child-focused and deliberate.
The way you respond now can protect your position later. Calm communication, consistency and evidence of a constructive approach often matter more than reactive messages sent in the moment.
What you can do now
Constructive first steps
If contact has stopped, early steps often include:
- Keeping communication calm and child-focused.
- Avoiding negative comments about the other parent.
- Keeping a clear record of attempted contact.
- Seeking structured support rather than arguing informally.
One of the most constructive early steps is attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).
A MIAM allows you to:
- Understand your options more clearly.
- Explore whether mediation is suitable.
- Consider structured formats, including shuttle mediation where conflict is high.
- Demonstrate a willingness to resolve matters outside court where possible.
Mediation can create a supported environment where concerns, including allegations of alienating behaviour, can be explored more safely and constructively. It will not be suitable in every case, but it is often a sensible place to start.
Take a constructive next step
Explore your options through a MIAM
If contact has broken down, it is natural to want to act quickly. But a structured approach now can help protect both your position and your relationship with your child.
Through mediation, many parents begin to rebuild communication, address concerns and work towards restoring contact without immediately turning to court.
Book a MIAM to explore your next steps calmly, privately and with professional guidance.